How to play at meeting new mums? Eek! Making friends is hard after all this time; Nonchalance isn't cool in Mummy World, as everyone looks as petrified as you, but being an eager-beaver, can't wait to be your BFF always and forever isn't that enticing either. Thank God for the little person that you have in front of you to blow raspberries at when you feel like the new kid at school.
(Ok, one retrospective 14-month update: everyone feels like this. Crack open your shell. Make those friends. They’ll get you through it all, with kind smiles, shared wisdom, cups of teas and LOTS of stories about poo).
You'll never be happier to have someone fart on your hand and burp in your face.
Once you've conquered the sleeping-through and daytime naps (outside of your arms) - you'll miss the cuddles. Waaaahhh! I cried uncontrollably at Deal or No Deal. I’ve realised you don’t marry your best friend just because you fancy them. That lust/passion all gets re-focussed towards your baby when they arrive, so you need the trust and companionship to be STRONGER THAN EVER so you and your partner can support each other in raising your new little love. Screaming babies aren't fun. Especially mid-postnatal-yoga-ohming. Breathe. Smile. Sing. Stay calm and try to soothe your stressed little bubba. And if that fails, pray that the dummy/bottle/bouncer/Ewan/Calpol/magic bloody fairy dust will work. Help! Trust your Mother's Instinct. Not YOUR mother's, or his mother's (although they are more often right than you'd like to admit) but your own - you know your baby best. You'll age very quickly. And go bald. You WILL be that mum with a million baby pics on your phone. You won't keep them off social media. You will be kept awake in anticipation of the Instaworld falling in love with your precious bundle of joy You will use the term Little One more than you’d intended. And feel a little bit of your soul crumble away every time you try desperately to think of another term to refer to your, erm, Little One for the hundredth time that day. They’re rather all-encompassing like that. Heard at our NCT Reunion and it made me breathe a huge sigh of relief. Regarding Motherhood; “I love Her, but I don’t always love It”. True dat. Baby poo smells like tuna and will get on your sofa, in your nails and on their ear, but it will also make you the happiest person on the planet. Hurrah for baby shit! I thought I was maternal. A Natural Earth Mother... Until I had to be one 24 hours a day. Yes, breast is best. Buts it's bloody hard and it didn't work for us and I hated myself. And he hated me. But now he's healthy and happy. And I got some sleep and am happy. And he loves me. So, really, fed is best. Whichever way works for your baby and you. Those morning smiles make waking up without being able to use the snooze button worth it. So muc
h joy. Ps ok, I still miss the snooze button.
The love is all-consuming. Surpassing everything you ever thought you knew. It breaks you, yet makes you completely whole all at the same time. You will sing every task of your day. You will begin to think you can sing in tune. I have massive FOMO: Fear of missing a baby class, a meet up, a playdate, a WhatsApp convo. Fear of Missing Out on the Outside World.
Even though you don’t ever get a minute to even wee alone, this Motherhood lark can be rather lonely at times. Before I was pregnant I wondered if mums knew if their babies were ugly or not. I needn’t have worried because we produced the most handsome human being to have ever live on the planet. You'll never call your husband by his name again. Daddy does the same with Mummy.
Motherhood is a constant battle between pining for your old life, feeling guilty about not doing it right and then loving someone so much that you swear your hearts gonna break. Oh shit. He's staring at my phone as I type. He's become aware of it. Does that mean I'm going to have to wean myself off of using it like another limb? Panic. I check he's breathing all the time.